Tomorrow at 7AM, I get my chemo port out. I cannot describe the feeling of having this annoying thing inside me for the past year, showing it’s ugly little bump through my clothing, screaming to the world – “Yes! This lady is fighting cancer!” Well, guess what…I’m no longer fighting. I’m winning. Which is why this blog is going to work it’s way back to the beginning.
I threw out the first pitch tonight at the NSU softball’s Strike Out Cancer game. I insisted on pitching from the rubber and it bounced right before the catcher’s glove. I am mad. I should have taken a step forward. But I don’t want to take any shortcuts through life. Not anymore. I’m going all the way. As my daughter would say, “All in for the win!” I remember doing this a year ago. I had hair then. And I cried. I cried for myself because I was so scared about what to expect. I was afraid of the unknown. I cried for my mother who lost her battle. She fought hard. She won. Then, the sucker returned. And although she fought, it won. I cried for my sister who was diagnosed one month before me with LCIS, and chose to undergo a preventative bilateral mastectomy. that’s some brave stuff right there! I threw a perfect pitch a year ago- from the rubber! But tonight was different. With very short, newly grown-in hair, I didn’t shed a tear for myself. I cried for all the other women who lost their fight. The survivors and the players huddled in to release pink balloons. On three, we yelled, “F Cancer!” As we watched the pink balloons drift into the sky emblazoned with our names and the names of those lost, I felt like I was “letting go” of this damn disease who has destroyed my body and engulfed my every breath for the past year. I consoled the NSU softball players who were crying over the loss of loved ones. I got this, I thought to myself. I looked at my 11 year old son, who squeezed my hand, and whispered to him, “I got this, kiddo!” The power of positive thinking! I may not have thrown a perfect strike tonight, but I most certainly have struck out damn cancer!